bloody HELL brennan

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25 Thoughts Girls Have During Bad Sex

1. Neck kissing = greaaaaaat. Salvia slug trail on my neck = grooooooosssssss. 2. I wonder if he realises when he breathes into my ear in that ‘sexy’ way, it sounds like Darth Vader having a wank. 3. Heyyyyy my nipples are not chew toys bro.¬†Easy Fido. 4. Also, my tits are actually attached to my body just FYI. And they’re not bread dough either. EASY ON THE KNEADING. 5. What are you trying to do?! Tune into Jazz FM via my nipples?! 6. Oh yeah surrrrre, suddenly trying to  ...

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Feel-Good, Uncategorized

Tell People They’re Buff

Once upon a time there was a girl in Central London. She was confident in her abilities yet consistently unlucky in matters of the heart. She often felt pretty low about herself. One day, whilst she was wandering about her business, she crossed Covent Garden and a taxi driver wound down his window. “Alright love?” he yelled. She looked away with nervousness. He chuckled, “Dahn’t be scared, just wonnid ta say, you got beeyoutiffull eyes!” He looked at her  ...

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