Being Busy and Saying No
you may have noticed things round here have been a little on the quiet front.
Truth is, I’m struggling a wee bit.
When you’re freelance, and from my own experience, freelance in the arts, you end up saying YES to every opportunity and job that comes your way. This is in part because a lot of those opportunities help to build your CV and are actually really great and interesting, but it’s mainly because you’re never really quite sure where the next pay cheque is coming from, and things often don’t pay wonderfully well (HIIIII ARTS CUTS HOW YOU DOING BABE) so when things are offered we go ‘YEAH SURE I WILL DO THAT PLEASE LET ME NOT HAVE TO EAT LIDL BEANS FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE.”
At the moment I’m working three days in an office in the payroll (or as I like to call it, the payLOL department trolololol egad I am so witty). I’m teaching three afternoons a week (plus the prep for each lesson). I’m doing a creative writing course one evening a week (plus my homework). I’m preparing to take my show to Edinburgh. I’ve taken on a new job managing social media channels for a big Performing Arts organisation. Alongside all that regular stuff, I’ve got a few gigs, bits of freelance writing and of course, my blog to slot in. Plus I’m trying to be a good chum and keep up with all my pals and their goings-on. YEESH.
My new years resolution (obv apart from lose ten stone, get fit and sort my life out- can confirm none of those have even been embarked on as of yet wheyyyy good one Brennan) was to ensure I spent at least one evening a week by myself, at home just in my own company. I’m so so lucky that my life is so rich and VIBRANT with people and work and STUFF, but sometimes I just need to stop being on form, just for an evening. To not play all the different versions of myself I inhabit on a day-today basis, Katie the teacher, Katie the actress, Katie the writer, Katie the queen of PAYLOL. Instead, to just be silent and by my lonesome and turn the world down and go shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
I find it SUPER HARD to say NO to anything, and if I do I constantly wrestle with guilt over letting people down, not being a good friend and slacking off. But what I am learning, slowly but surely is that sometimes it is okay and also NECCESSARY to put yourself first, be selfish and say no. Surprisingly, the majority of people completely understand if you’re just honest and say ‘hello my friend/good morning my boss- listen. I have a lot on my plate at the moment and need a bit of downtime.’ And if they don’t understand they’re being a bell. I’ve written before about my ongoing battle with my anxiety goblin (omg he is such a cockwomble) and the coping strategies I employ when he and I are having a tussle and spending some alone time is honestly one of the best ways. Before you can conquer the world you need to pull together your troops. And by troops I mean your stamina, your energy, your defence mechanisms, your determination and your resilience.
So basically, I’m just throwing out a bit of slack to anyone else who is juggling and struggling. Say no, and don’t beat yourself up that people will think you’re a TERRIBLE HUMAN. Go eat a pack of jaffa cakes, paint your nails, watch Netflix, light candles, turn ya phone off and just BE for five minutes. It will make you a more functional human, a better friend and such a good employee that your boss will jump on your desk, point at you and sing “WHO RUN THE WORLD- YOU! WHO RUN THE WORLD- YOU!” (if I am ever anyone’s boss I am definitely going to do that in one-to-one meetings.)
Let’s give ourselves a break shall we? We’re all doing our best. And on that note I’m turning the world off, diving into a massive mug of Earl Grey and snuggling down to watch Frozen for the BAZILLIONTH time (yes, I know it’s been three years. I’m still not over it.)
BYE YOU HUGE BABES.