Feel-Good, Humour

Things I have learned in 2014

In this weird period of between Christmas and New Year (which by the way, I’d like to rename InBetweenMas when I am Queen of the World) I always find it’s a good time to reflect. I like to flick back through my diary of the year, through photos I’ve snapped and consider the things I’ve learned and experienced over the last twelve months.  So, this year I thought I’d share some. Some are from my own experiences, others are nuggets loved ones have shared with me. So here’s what I have learned in 2014.

  • A place is only as good as the people in it.
  • The things you say at 3am are never as important come 10am.
  • All those sayings about alcohol? Grape and grain? Beer before wine etc? All bollocks. All alcohol will make you feel MAGNIFICENT and then come the next morning SHIT.
  • Gininatins often taste better than GinInAGlass.
  • Never judge a book by its cover but always judge a bar by its toilet.
  • Avoid wearing your hair up if you have chubby cheeks. Instant hamster.
  • If you have freckles, you will spend your whole life searching for a foundation that doesn’t look like you’ve played join the dots with a beige crayon: I can recommend No 7 Tinted Moisturiser as a lighter alternative for my fellow facial freckled friends.
  • No-one ever suffered from body glitter or too much mascara BUT glittery hair mascara was always a mistake.
  • A mark of true success is a SMEG fridge.
  • No-one knows what the fuck they’re doing. Just in case you thought you were the only one.
  • If you’re a bit overwhelmed sometimes by the amount of engagement parties, hens, stags and weddings you’re suddenly going to, just look at it like excellent research for the future. As a result, yours is going to be fucking BRILLIANT when it finally comes round.
  • No-one likes hen dos that require taking a week off work, are abroad and super expensive. *cue behind back grumbling about money*. Everyone likes hen dos that are one night only, in a convenient and fun location i.e the pub. Everyone likes the pub.
  • The amount of fun nightclubs are is strictly proportionate to the further you get into your twenties.
  • You’ll never remember every password ever. Just make your peace with having to change your username and password everytime you want to visit certain sites.
  • Museli doesn’t taste better the older you get. Aged 27 it still tastes like poly filler with raisins.
  • Be curious about everything. It makes the world a more interesting place when you actively take an interest. From how cakes rise in the oven, to why there are veins on leaves, to who was the first person who knew bees were hiding something delicious in their hives, never stop asking questions.
  • Under no circumstances should you ever use Comic Sans.
  • More people than you realise are on medication and being treated for depression and anxiety. It’s so normal guys. No taboo anymore please.
  • For the chaps- it’s genuinely okay to express yourselves and cry if you need to. The lads won’t think you’re a pussy, they’re all secretly wanting to do the same, and let’s be honest, the beginning of Up gets everyone.
  • Having worked for a sex shop website as a copywriter this year, I can put my hand on my heart and say that it takes all sorts and there’s no accounting for taste.
  • Train drinking is as good as daytime drinking. Daytime train drinking is a double win.
  • At some point, you’ll get sick of doing creative work for free. BEING PAID IS REALLY COOL!
  • Don’t go to press parties and fall over. But if you do, make it spectacular and dine out on the story  for a while.
  • Don’t snog people you meet on the train minutes after meeting them. But if you do, make it spectacular and dine out on the story for a while.
  • Never go home with someone you get off with in the taxi rank at the end of the night. But if you do, make it spectacular and dine out on the story for a while.
  • Say yes as much as you can but also learn that saying no to things you really don’t want to do or can’t afford is okay too.
  • If you’re still single and in your late twenties/early thirties, start a wedding/hen/stag fund each year so you can afford all the weddings you’ll end up going to. We’re genuinely so happy for you all but when you have five weddings to attend all over the country across two weeks in august plus all the relative hen/stags- you’ll forgive us for a sneaky eye roll when it’s not an open bar.
  • If you’re in a round, you’re in a round. Don’t let yourself enter one unless you’re willing to buy a round/sing frere jacques back. We notice when you don’t. Don’t be tight now.
  • The greatest thing anyone has ever done is when my uncle built a pub in his shed. What a legend.
  • Make time to read. Actually set time aside to do it rather than using it as a way to kill time on your commute. There’s no quicker way to be somewhere else.
  • Running. I know. Running. I’m as sick to death as you of hearing about people running whatever K and half marathons and yeah great you’re really noble and fit and you’re decked out in all the latest gear and eat those weird neon gel things but also I, with my dodgy heart and my chumpy old trainers and my stupid iphone case started running this year. Really just a heightened excuse to have an accelerated stroll down the country walkway to see if I can spot some herons and to see mist and fields but to be fair, it made me feel pretty great.
  • Bird watching is actually bizarrely riveting.
  • Turn your phone off. It’s so freeing.
  • Don’t take yourself too seriously. There’s a difference in believing in yourself and not being able to take A step back and laugh at yourself when you’re being a bellend. Which we all are sometimes.
  • Don’t get into Twitter arguments. It’s ugly, undignified and a bit silly.
  • Take the stairs. Unless you’re knackered. Or at Covent Garden. Or in huge heels. Actually, in fact just judge it when you get there. You work really hard it’s okay to take the escalator.
  • £2.50 is not a reasonable amount to pay for a bowl of cereal, but then again, £3.50 is not a reasonable price to pay for a carton of stale popcorn either and no-one gets their knickers in a twist about that.
  • That little kernel of jealousy and sadness you feel when friends tell you their amazing news? That’s really normal. It doesn’t mean you’re any less OVER THE MOON for them getting great new jobs/promotions/partners/getting engaged or hitched/buying houses/having babies/generally ACHIEVING but if you feel somewhat stuck in a rut with your life and feel like you personally aren’t ACHIEVING much, it can all get a bit overwhelming every now and then. Hang in there kids, I’m with ya.
  • The best life advice given to me this year came from my dear friend Victoria who advises:Don’t be a brute just be cute
    Don’t be dry just be fly
    Don’t be bun just be a number one hun(I’m not entirely sure what it means either but it seems like excellent advice to live by if you ask me.)

I hope 2015 is absolutely everything you hope for dear hearts. I hope you laugh, love, sing, read, dance, feel, drink, and that the universe is kind to you. Thank you for sticking with me on this site, you’re all incredible for reading and indulging me and my scrawlings. I LOVE YOUR GUTS YOU MASSIVE LEGENDS.

Right, 2015 you ready? I’m coming to get you *downs gin, backcombs hair, rolls up sleeves*.


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