Keep fanning it folks xxxx
You know what? Sometime life in your twenties is crap. It lulls you into a false sense of security. Everything seems great, you’re saying yes to stuff, things seem to finally be on the right path, things are falling into your lap and you think ‘YES! All this time I’ve spent doubting myself and my life is worth it because finally things seems steadier and happier!’
And then just as quickly you find yourself lost, still single,homeless, poorer than ever (even though you’re working four jobs at once and don’t actually have time to sleep *props open eyelids with matchsticks* LOL THOUGH GUYS) and are invited to five weddings this year (of actual friends not just obscure family members) when only last week you slept with someone younger than your little brother who is totally inappropriate and called you ‘Mate’ and high fived you halfway through sex.
Just when everything seems shit again (April, you have a habit of doing this babe. looks like T.S.Eliot was right- you are the cruellest month.) it’s amazing when you have a day which reaffirms everything. Even if it’s just a day. A measly 24 hours. Even if you wake up tomorrow with still the same bull to sift through and make sense of- it’s so important to have those few days that make you punch the air and think that actually- in the grand scheme of things- life ain’t so bad after all.
In case you’re wondering, I spent a whole day this week singing wonderful arrangements of songs in preparation for a little upcoming cabaret show at the Brighton Fringe. It’s not a job that will change my life, or my career but it meant I got to spend a whole day doing something I am good at and trained to do and am passionate about in the company of other like-minded folk who also feel the same way. I’m lucky enough to be working on this project with one of my dearest oldest pals, so afterwards had the opportunity to spend an evening sipping down a few pints and chewing the fat about love, life and art with him, all under the arches of London Bridge, right in the beating heart of of this wondercrump glory we call Our capital.
I’m about to click the pedometer of life into another year next month, one that will make me firmly in my ‘late twenties’. And often (ahem, daily) seeing how my friends are developing their lives- getting promoted, buying property, having babies and weddings, ticking all the boxes of growing up- and feeling, quite honestly, very much left behind (I still struggle to pay a bus fare in cash and I have no idea where the electric meter is) sometimes I am struck by how great a day can be- and those days make me tingle, and make me glad I am living my life the way I am. Give a shit if it’s not how everyone else is doing it. Maybe feeling a bit left behind is perhaps the price we have to pay for how good it can all be sometimes when we choose not to do it the way it’s prescribed.
And besides, how fucking great is it that we live in a world where these things exist?
chandeliers, kilts, candy floss, wellies, colouring books, raising one eyebrow, sonnets, arrow-words, the blue whale at the natural history museum, marmite, rounders, writing on whiteboards, orange skittles, seeing your breath when its cold, the long Tetris piece, magenta crayola pencils, blue ink sinking into thick paper, frogspawn, being warm in bed with a cold face, wishing on eyelashes, decorating the christmas tree, frozen grapes, the sound of glass breaking, freckles, being read to, lazy sundays, adventures, slow dancing, holding hands, a good stretch that makes you go ‘OOOOUYGHHJJJJHH’, rubber ducks, love letters, sherbet dipdabs, ikea, daisies, goosebumps, big sunglasses, rainbows, cloudy cider, red liqorice, rock pools, new stationary, superheroes, dangly earrings, knowing the answer at the pub quiz, picnics, pic n mix, fairy lights, blackberries, accents, bare feet, french plaits, Penguin classics, berocca, naughty text messages, rude limericks, the post mortem of the night before, cherry lollipops, cold sunny days, making angel wings in snow, ruby slippers, road trips, hot water bottles, restoration comedy, cups and saucers, sequins, mac eyeliner, chunky heels, Trebor extra strong mints, the words ‘soft’, ‘maam’ and ‘chugging’, eight-hour cream, GinInATin, Edinburgh, Stratford-Upon-Avon, London and somewhere we can call home. Oh yeah, and this picture.
Keep fanning the shit out of life folks. We’ll get there.